This Good-bye is For You
by ProfTweety
Summary: When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him. {Shandy, veers away from canon}
1. Chapter 1

_**This Good-bye is for You**_

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing related to _Major Crimes_ ; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

 **A/N:** When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.

 **A/N2** : The illness is secondary; _primary_ is their love and the way it changes them for the better. {This veers away from canon.}

 **A/N3:** _Enjoy_! Leave a _**review**_ if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. **#TodayIsLife**

~~~~~PT~~~~~

Within a week of relocating, Sharon Raydor had set up her appointments, joined a support group and explored her new neighborhood. What she hadn't done was spoken to her fiancé, Andy Flynn. Finding herself unable to speak directly with him, she couldn't answer his calls. Her heart breaking as she listened to his tearful-sounding voicemails, she found herself unable to call him back. The most she managed were text messages: on the third day, she apologized for hurting him; on the fifth day, she said that was never her intention; and on that day, the seventh day, she slipped and hit send on the text that said she loved him and missed him. He replied immediately, "Then please come home." The tears fell swiftly and she felt like throwing the phone but it was her last remaining connection to the man she would love the rest of her days.

She had a group Skype video chat that evening with all three of her children. The last one had been on her first day in her new home; only this _wasn't_ her home, didn't feel like it anyway, and probably never would. She'd told them then what she expected of each of them when it came to Andy; his feelings, his questions, and his sense of loss absent any information to lead him to a better understanding regarding what she had done, why she had left. On that night she repeated it to ensure they followed her orders, and they _were_ orders.

"I don't want any of you to lie to Andy but don't offer information either. If he gets something correct, let him know but don't add to it."

When they all started disagreeing with her, wanting to tell Andy exactly what was going on, as they had in that first call on that first night, she raised a hand and instantly shut them down. "I love him and I miss him. That will never change. I will _never_ stop feeling that way about Andy."

She held up her left hand, pointed to the engagement ring she still wore and added, "I want nothing more than to marry that man but I think this way is best for him."

As the tears began to slip past her lashes, she tried to wipe them away before her children could bear witness to the amount of pain she was in; before they could tell her that her _fiancé_ was hurting even more.

"Be honest with him when he gets something correct; keep everything else to yourselves until he figures it out. And he _will_ figure things out, of that I have no doubt."

Touching the engagement ring, "I'm doing this for Andy but I don't expect any of you to understand that. I don't expect him to either. But always remember that in the end, I love him and I'm doing this for _him_."

Before the torrent of tears fell, she closed her laptop. Laying down on the love seat, clutching the pillow to her chest, she let herself grieve for a relationship she had killed herself. The pain tore through her entire body. It offered no cleanse, no promise of future improvement, and no end. It was hers. She'd brought it on herself. She'd hurt others. On that night, she embraced the pain. It showed she was still alive, still in love, and might still have a chance.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

Andy went to the bar that night to _feel_. He honestly didn't want a drink; it would numb him and he wanted nothing more than to feel a different kind of pain.

His heart hurt more than he'd thought possible since Sharon left. He cried every day, even if only for the few minutes he allowed. He worked himself to exhaustion.

Drinking his cranberry-and-soda, he mouthed back to the guy who made fun of his choice of beverage. The punch hit him square in the face. Seeing the blood, feeling the pain, he goaded the guy. With each punch, as more blood flowed, the physical pain he craved increased. It wasn't just his heart anymore. He hurt all over now and he was grateful to that stranger. He was grateful to feel something other than the intense loss of the woman he loved without so much as an explanation beyond that she was doing this for him. He'd never understand her thinking on that one.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

As they each lay in their separate beds in different cities, the other crossed their minds. Andy had cleaned up as much of the damage from the beating as he could and lay down only out of necessity. He had to at least _try_ to be at full strength if he expected to continue bringing his A-game to his work.

After the conversation with her children, her cleansing cry over, Sharon had thought about what to have for dinner only to discover she was without an appetite as she stood by the stove. Sitting on the bed, she decided to read until she was able to fall asleep, hoping not to dream.

But dream, she did. Flashes of she and Andy on their first date, talking as friends preparing to move on to something more, were the first images invading her subconscious. _As they walked to her door after their first date at Serve, there was a moment of uncertainty about how they should say good night. Having never experienced that problem before, Andy just wrapped his arms around Sharon and told her he looked forward to taking her out on another date._

Their first kiss was the next sequence. _They'd decided to take it slow and so the kisses were chaste at first, growing in passion as time marched on. But they had yet to share a truly intimate kiss. One night after dinner at her place, as they were standing in each other's arms on her balcony, Sharon decided it was time to change that. Turning around, she snuggled closer to him and began softly kissing his neck. As his first moan reached her ears, her tongue began following the trail of her lips. Another moan and his lips were on her neck repeating her actions. Before they knew it, they were kissing as they usually did with open mouths but, on this occasion, she deepened it. As the warm wind blew on them, their tongues danced and their hands explored a little more than was normal. Moving back moments later, she offered him tea. He accepted with a smile, realizing that slow was the perfect pace for them because it made her feel more comfortable with him._

Sharon woke with a start, reaching for her phone. Andy had texted her. Reading it, she chose not to reply right then and ambled to the kitchenette to make some tea.

[ **TBC** ]


	2. Chapter 2

_**This Good-bye is for You, Ch 2**_

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing related to _Major Crimes_ ; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

 **A/N:** When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.

 **A/N2** : The illness is secondary; _primary_ is their love and the way it changes them for the better.

 **A/N3:** _Enjoy_! Leave a _**review**_ if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. **#TodayIsLife**

~~~~~PT~~~~~

 _Three weeks prior_

Sharon sat in her car, tears dropping as quickly as water flows past a broken dam. She'd heard what her doctor had said. Her diagnosis, his recommended treatment, the best location, and that he'd help her tell Andy. _Andy_. She believed with all her heart he wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd lose himself trying to help her, trying to be there for her, and so she'd decided that he shouldn't know, that he couldn't know.

 _That day she'd gotten hurt, she'd seen the fear in his eyes and heard him whisper she couldn't go before him. When he'd asked her to promise him that she'd outlive him because she was stronger, because she'd be able to handle it better, she'd promised that she'd try; she would do her very best._

Sitting in her car after that doctor's visit, she vowed yet again, to herself only this time, she would try to outlive him. Failing that, she'd protect him because she _was_ the stronger of the two. With a shake of her head, the decision was made and the plan of action decided before she put the car into drive and headed to work.

Needing an excuse for her tardiness, one that wouldn't be questioned by her team and most especially one that her fiancé would believe, she stopped by the café near PAB and ordered coffees for all of them.

Walking into the Murder Room, she placed the box on Lt Provenza's desk and announced she had paperwork due that day that she had to finish within the hour.

As she powered up her laptop, she peered out her window, catching Andy's gaze. With a slight wink and a small nod of her head, she went to the Department's home page and hit the link for _forms_ , choosing the packet for retirement. Forty-five minutes later, the forms were completed and she had stamped _rush_ on the top page. Hiding them in a folder, she walked through the Murder Room without looking at any of them and continued towards Asst Chief Taylor's office.

Without preamble, she handed him the folder, standing there for any questions or comments.

"Am I losing Flynn too?" he'd asked, sure that he was.

"No, Andy isn't retiring, Chief, I am. I'll be gone in three weeks at the latest. Lt Provenza can take over until you decide the position is his permanently or find someone else to run the division."

"Can you stay longer?" He sighed loudly. "Will you be able to train the new person if I decide Provenza is too damn old to leave in charge?"

Inhaling deeply, she kept her voice even despite the turmoil she felt inside. "No to both questions, Chief. I have something to take care of and I need to concentrate solely on that." Her hands grasped the chair she was holding onto even tighter. "I'd appreciate it if this was kept between us and whoever will be facilitating my departure. No one else needs to know until I decide to inform them."

"That sounds fair enough, Captain," he agreed. "What made you decide to retire so suddenly? Why so secret about your departure?" He thought about her refusal to stay on longer. "Are you staying in Los Angeles?"

"My pay is direct deposit so it really doesn't matter where I am located, Chief, and as I said I have something to tend to that will take a great deal of my energy."

He knew he shouldn't ask but they'd known each other a long time. Most of that time, they didn't get along but she was a damn fine officer and he hated to lose her. He quickly thought of ways for her to work part-time, hell he'd even accept per diem, _anything_ but full blown retirement with three weeks notice, if she stayed that long.

"Sharon," he began softly, "is this health related?" Putting up his hands in surrender, he clarified before she was able to speak. "You're pale, you've lost some weight, you get tired quickly and you've taken a few hours sick leave for the first time since your kids were still living at home. You're sick, Captain, so why not just take _leave_? You've got enough of it to last you several months so why not use it? If you still think retirement is best when you're due to come back, _then_ put in your paperwork."

"I need to retire, Chief, because -," she paused, caught her breath then continued, "I have to concentrate on myself and I won't be able to do that if I think I have a schedule to keep. Please rush the paperwork so I remain in compliance. Thank you for keeping this confidential." With that she left, slowly walking back to her office.

Her first call was to her insurance company for approval of the recommended treatment. She'd chosen a location different from the initial one her doctor suggested though he did ultimately agree with her decision. She verified all of the information her doctor had faxed the insurance company along with the potential start of treatment for her particular diagnosis. Her doctor had given a very specific start date, letting both her and the insurance representative know that intensive treatment was imperative and to begin no later than one month; really it was the sooner, the better but she had to wait for an opening at the clinic to become available.

Her next call was to Emily; she needed that apartment her friend was looking to sublet for a year. Telling her daughter she wouldn't need it that long, she offered to pay each month for the full year if that was the only way she could get it. Emily assured her that wouldn't be necessary; there were perks to being her mother. The question of why she needed the apartment hung in the air and when Emily finally asked, Sharon initially hemmed and hawed, finally saying that she'd tell her in her own time but now wasn't that time.

Her last call was to the clinic to again verify that she was on the waiting list. The person who answered her call assured her that she was and that she had, in fact, already been pushed up per her doctor's orders. If she could get there in two weeks, they'd set up her appointments for the entire schedule blocked out by her doctor and she'd start the following week. Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes stung and she found herself feeling rather unsteady even as she sat in her chair. Finally calming herself, she agreed to the earlier arrival time and requested an immediate call if she was pushed up even further.

Sitting back in her chair, she let her eyes close as she spun to face the window. _Andy_. She was making all of these plans without him. She'd be going through all of this without him. It was for him, she told herself, for _his_ benefit.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

 _Present day_

As he walked into the Murder Room, Flynn knew he'd catch hell from Lt Provenza, his partner, best friend and now acting boss of the Major Crimes Division. He didn't realize how much hell he'd catch though until the older man started yelling at him as soon as he'd laid eyes on him.

"What the hell, Flynn? Did you even _try_ to hit the guy back?"

" _Of_ _course_ I did. I'm not a damn idiot. He would've stopped punching me if I didn't keep it going."

"Ye Gods, you _wanted_ this?!" Pointing to their boss' office, his face changing from pink to red, he announced, "Get in there and I mean get in there right _now_."

Shaking his head defiantly, "That's Sharon's office. I'm not going in there."

"Well _I'm_ in charge for now and _I_ will use it when I need to and by God I need to use it for _you_ right now. _Get_ in there!"

He walked slowly to the office, for several reasons: because it reminded him of Sharon and thinking of her only brought pain; because he had never seen his best friend as angry with him as he was right then; and because the physical pain he had so craved the night before was a bitch to him that day. He felt every day of his age, perhaps even every second of it as he moved.

Once inside, Provenza laid into him again. When he'd honestly admitted what happened, the older Lieutenant softened in both tone and expression. "You should've called me. I would've come anytime, you know that."

"I miss her and it hurts so damn much sometimes," he admitted with a wince. "I'm never gonna see her again and, for the life of me, I don't know why."

"You been checking the account every day?" the elder man asked hopefully.

"Yeah, she's definitely in New York based on where she's shopping but that doesn't mean she's staying there for good."

"Any checks clear?" His tone was leading though he knew he couldn't offer up any information.

"One just did this morning. The memo line said three months sublet. She's renting a place somewhere."

Trying to act innocent enough, as much as he could pull off, he asked, "Where'd she send it?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I see the image of the _check_ , not the envelope."

"Who'd she send it to?" His scowl told his partner he thought he could be doing better detective work regarding his private life but he didn't express those thoughts aloud.

"I googled her; she lives in Westchester." He scratched the back of his neck and winced in pain again from the movement.

"So she's got a house in the suburbs and rents out her apartment in the city," he shrugged. "What else?"

"Sharon only shops at two or three stores. They're all within a few blocks of each other."

"So _that's_ where she's living now." He was stating the obvious but it felt like he was doing more. It felt like he was going against his Captain's parting wishes when it came to her fiancé.

"Yeah, that's what I figured," he started to run his hand over his face but the bruised areas hurt like hell.

[ **TBC** ]


	3. Chapter 3

_**This Good-bye is for You, Ch 3**_

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing related to _Major Crimes_ ; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

 **A/N:** When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.

 **A/N2** : The illness is secondary; _primary_ is their love and the way it changes them for the better.

 **A/N3:** _Enjoy_! Leave a _**review**_ if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. **#TodayIsLife**

~~~~~PT~~~~~

Sharon was nervous the day of her first treatment. Having no idea what to expect, she clenched her phone tightly in one hand and Emily's hand in the other. As they were welcomed into the room by the nurse and told to take their seats, she stood motionless looking for beds. She'd always imagined there would be _beds_. Finally willing her feet to move, she walked to the recliner chair the nurse stood by and sat down. Watching the expressions cross her daughter's face as the nurse spoke gave her something on which to focus.

Just by the way the woman spoke, it was obvious she'd given the spiel many times before. "You're here for intensive treatment per your doctor's orders so here's how it works. You'll remain an outpatient as long as you have no detrimental side effects to the treatment. Each time you come in, we'll start an intravenous. There's no need for a port because you're considered a short-term patient at this point." Looking at the chart, she noted the Manhattan address was a recent relocation from Los Angeles. Working at the clinic over a decade, she was accustomed to people moving for better treatment and then going back to their normal lives and routines. "I'm assuming you'll be returning home when the process is completed and have your follow-ups done there. As we told you when the appointment block was initially set up, the first two weeks require three visits, the following two reduce by one and the last two are only once a week. This is assuming all is going as expected. Midway you will have a consultation with the doctor and another at the end. You and he will make a decision as to how to move forward at that time. You can read, stream shows on your laptop or listen to music but headphones are required so as not to interfere with the other patients in the room."

For the first time Sharon noticed, as she looked around, that there were many patients in that one room. So many people, all there for the same treatment as her, regardless of what each of their diagnoses might be. Nodding at the nurse, she whispered, "Thank you," and the woman began looking for her best vein.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

Andy checked their bank account online several times a day though he'd only admitted to Provenza to doing it once daily. She was leaving him breadcrumbs; as if she wanted him to know something. But know _what_? That she was okay? That she was in New York, for now anyway? That she was eating so he wouldn't worry about that? That she was living her life, going to the same place three times a week and taking a lot of cabs? But why did he have to know all that? What was she trying to tell him? He wrote down everything, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. To what end, he didn't know. He just knew it gave him something to focus on and kept his hope alive that he'd see her again one day.

The initials three times that week didn't make sense to Andy at first when he saw them as credit card transactions charged to her bank debit card. Repeating the same pattern for a second week made him Google the initials and he discovered it was a clinic. 'Sharon is sick,' he thought to himself sadly then became angry at finding out the way he did.

Reaching for his phone, he called her daughter. "Emily, it's Andy, I know your mother and she wouldn't want you to lie to me."

Taking a deep breath, "No lies, Andy, but we can only let you know when you get something right."

"She's sick and, for whatever reason, she doesn't want me to know she's getting treated in New York City or that she moved there. I saw the check to the landlord. I know at least the area she's living in based on where she shops." He realized he was starting to speed talk. Slowing down, "I'm piecing her clues together, Emily, but what I don't know is why she's doing this alone."

"I don't really understand her reasoning, Andy," the girl answered honestly with a sigh.

A sob quietly escaped him but she heard it on the other end. "Whatever she might've told you about me, I love her and I miss her. I _would've_ been there for her."

Emily felt her eyes tear up. "That's what Mom told all of us, Andy. She's _never_ said anything negative about you."

He still felt the need to defend himself. "I wouldn't have walked away. I know she's used to that but I'm different from -." He let his thought drop; there was no sense insulting her father when she seemed to be willing to help.

"We know you would've stayed. Mom made sure that we all got that."

"How is she?" he asked hesitantly.

Emily thought long and hard about her answer. She was torn between doing as her mother requested and her sympathy for Andy's pain, so obvious even across the airwaves. "She is adjusting. I'm trying to help her as much as I can."

"I know you are. Sharon raised good kids." There was a moment of hesitation before he continued. "She paid three months' rent. Is that how long she plans to stay?"

"Take the clues as you get them, Andy."

"I got the hint," he chuckled sadly. "Listen, Emily, can you just tell Sharon that I love her and miss her?"

"I can do that, Andy," she agreed and hung up before she lost what little resolve she had left. She truly felt for that man. Loving a woman who learned the hard way that she had to take care of herself was not easy, especially for a man who wanted to do all the things her ex-husband taught her to do alone.

That night Sharon's sleep was restless. Emily had told her about the call from Andy and passed on his message. She had also included her opinion of her mother's decisions. When she did fall asleep deep enough to dream, they always included Andy. _Their first work-related argument was a big one and took everyone by surprise. They all knew to expect it would happen one day but thought it'd be of a lower volume. Though the Captain and her Lieutenant were in her office, they could be ever-so-slightly overheard albeit not enough to really hear the actual words. Ten minutes later, however, they were argued out and back to normal. That evening they went out to dinner and assured each other their personal relationship was still intact._ Smiling as she drank some of the tea she'd made upon waking, Sharon couldn't help but think fondly of the kisses they'd shared that night. Her body immediately reacted to the memory.

The next dream was of them making love for the first time. _A creature of habit when it came to time-frames and sticking to schedules, when enough months had passed and she acknowledged feeling as close to him as possible without taking that next step, Sharon had told Andy that she was ready but added she didn't want it to be rushed or done secretly as if they were doing something wrong just because Rusty was still living at home. Smirking, he'd made reservations for the first weekend he could get at a place he'd always wanted to experience for the first time with her. Crossing his fingers, he'd given her the dates they'd be away. After that, it was far more difficult for them to say good night at the end of their dates knowing they were only waiting for privacy on a specific weekend. When they arrived at the hotel, Andy didn't want Sharon to feel like they were there for only one thing so he convinced her to pretend they were tourists as they explored the exquisite lobby and grounds. Finally going up to their room, they noticed the champagne and chocolate covered strawberries that were standard issue for each guest suite. Pouring the alcoholic beverage down the sink, she suggested saving the fruit for dessert. When he began reaching for the menu for room service, she husked that dinner could wait. Though he moved to her quickly and kissed her even more passionately than he had ever before, they slowly undressed, relishing in their private time together as they made their way to the king-sized bed. As their fingers moved over each other and they brought pleasure to one another in ways they'd never dared, she began wondering why she ever thought being with him intimately was something to put off for so long. They had long ago admitted their feelings for one another, so when he whispered, "I love you," as they became one, she immediately without doubt repeated the words back to him. Later, they lay under the covers debating between starving for the night or having to untangle themselves long enough to be decent when room service delivered their meals._ Sharon lay awake a long time after that dream, thinking of all the times after that they were intimate and willing her body not to miss him, not to want him, anymore.

During the next week, Andy noticed the visits to the clinic went from three a week to two and the grocery bill amounts were reduced also. "She's losing her appetite," he grumbled to Provenza. "She's sick and she doesn't want me around. Guess that shows what she thinks of me," he muttered angrily.

"It's not about _you_ , Flynn, it's about _her_ thinking what she's doing is right."

"Right for _who_? I should be with her!" Slamming his hand into the desk was not the brightest idea he'd had but he needed the release. Dealing with injuries was quickly becoming his forte.

"Right for _you_ ," he shook his head, "she thinks this is best for _you_." Before his longtime friend could begin thinking aloud, he quickly added, "I've said too much already," and ended their conversation.

That night a discussion with Rusty garnered him no extra clues so he called Emily again. "Provenza says Sharon is doing this for me but it's _not_ what I want," he told her after they greeted one another. "I respect your mother's decisions but _I_ don't want this."

Emily let out a loud sigh before responding. "I know and I told her that but she insists this way is better for you. I'm not sure _exactly_ what she means but she's being stubborn about it."

"That's one of the things I love about her," he said softly. "I know I shouldn't ask you this but does -?"

"Yes, Andy, she still loves you. I'm not supposed to give you information, I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Do what your mother says. Listen, just tell her I love her and to make sure she drinks some protein shakes or fully balanced liquid meals to keep her strength up or she'll get sick. Now isn't a good time for a cold but she _is_ susceptible to one."

"She bought some this week to try," Emily reassured him with a smile in her voice. "Bye, Andy." She hung up without giving him a chance to say more.

By the end of the third week of treatment, nothing in the expenses had changed. He called Emily on what he thought might be a clinic day, knowing she'd be with Sharon and hoping that maybe he could hear her voice. She'd done nothing but send texts since she'd left him a month before. Emily didn't answer; he wasn't really surprised given that Sharon never answered _any_ of his calls. He didn't know that mother and daughter were, at that very moment, discussing him.

As Emily helped Sharon from the bathroom to the bed, she felt her phone vibrate. Seeing who was calling, she hit decline after showing it to her mother. "You're hurting him, Mom," she murmured as she tucked the covers around her.

"It's for the best," Sharon whispered.

Sitting down next to her on the bed, she knew it was none of her business but she was being there for both of them and had to say something. "How is it for the best? You _finally_ love a guy who actually _wants_ to be there for you and you aren't letting him. I love Dad but he'd be gone. Andy is _trying_ to be here. Why not let him?"

She was tired of fighting her daughter on the subject so she admitted the truth behind all her decisions, starting on that first day when she received her diagnosis. "If Andy is angry at me, the loss will hurt less," she said quietly, knowing her daughter would disagree.

Standing up, Emily counted to ten before speaking. "You're doing this in case you _die_? That makes no sense, Mom."

"He wants to die first, Emily, because I'm stronger. I _am_ , we both agree on that, but I won't know if this is working until I get my results Friday." She swiped at a stray tear. "I want him here. I _need_ him here, Emily, but if it isn't working then I want to lessen his pain as much as possible."

Sitting back down, she linked their hands together. "You're hurting him though. He thinks there's something he's done and that's why you left him," she hesitated but decided her mother needed to know, "or that you stopped loving him."

"But I _told_ him it wasn't him. I told him this was something I had to take care of _myself_."

"He doesn't understand why you have to do it alone when he is willing to be with you." She kissed her mother's forehead. "And he doesn't understand why you won't even talk to him. Seriously, Mom, you're just texting him? You would never let any of _us_ get away with treating someone who loved us like that."

Her energy to fight about this was officially gone. "Then explain it to him, Emily. Today _only_ you can tell him three things he doesn't know."

"Why three?" Her mother was always a little weird about rules but three explanatory texts seemed odd even for her.

"I've been in treatment for three weeks. I will also answer his texts without trying to protect him."

"Deal, now go to sleep." Bending over, she kissed her mother's forehead again before getting up to lounge on the love seat.

"I'm going to text Andy first before I change my mind. Then I really need to sleep for a little while."

Andy had sent three texts that day; that's where she really got the idea of three. It had been four very long, lonely, sad weeks for them both. She answered each text separately to acknowledge his attempts at contacting her.

'Thank you, I needed the luck. Each treatment seems to drain more of my energy.'

'I'm drinking the shakes, both kinds, and they must be working because I'm not losing as much weight as they thought I would.'

'Emily is taking wonderful care of me but I miss you and I wish it was you. I love you, Andy, but as I said when I left, this good-bye is for you. That doesn't mean I don't want you here, I do.'

Putting her phone down next to her, she drifted off to a restless sleep. _They were just as surprised as everyone else that he moved in with her only six months after they first made love, though no one else knew when exactly that happened. They had been discussing the desire to be together more often in their personal lives for close to two months already when one night it had slipped out of her mouth and before she had time to recall the invitation, he had accepted and kissed her the entire way down the foyer to her bedroom. Though he gave her time after that to rethink, she shook her head with determination and slowly over the course of the next month all of his belongings were finally moved in or placed in storage. It was at that point, they began discussing buying a larger place that accommodated both of their belongings._ Even in her sleep, she wiped the tears threatening to fall.

While Sharon napped, Emily remained on the love seat thinking about what she should share with Andy.

She text him her mother's address, adding, 'Let me know in advance when you're getting here so I can meet you and give you my keys to let yourself in.'

The next text gave him her diagnosis. 'It's a good thing you kept getting on her about how tired she was. Mom and her doctor decided to go the intensive treatment route. There's only a small chance the treatments won't work so we're very hopeful. She'll know more Friday.' Her mother had said only on this day could she be completely forthcoming with Andy so she found a way around that. 'I promise you today though to let you know what the doctor says.'

The last one was the hardest. 'She thinks if you're angry at her when she dies, it'll hurt you less. She really believes she's doing this for you; that it'll be better for you not to see her like this, not to lose her when you're together.' That didn't seem quite satisfactory enough in terms of full-disclosure so she explained it. 'We know it hurt her whenever Dad left so maybe she's trying to spare you the pain she already knows. She loves you, Andy, and she misses you.'

Putting the phone on her lap, she watched her mother sleep and wiped her eyes.

Andy couldn't believe it when he saw the texts from both Sharon _and_ Emily. Unfortunately he'd been knee-deep in an intricate case and couldn't answer them right away nor even really read them. He did catch that they both seemed to be telling him things he hadn't figured out for himself yet. 'That's odd but I'll take it,' he thought with a small smile.

As it turned out, the team put in long hours and only went home to shower and change clothes before heading back to the Murder Room. He didn't have the chance to answer either of them until the next day. By then, Sharon was wondering if she'd succeeded in losing him.

[ **TBC** ]


	4. Chapter 4

_**This Good-bye is for You, Ch 4**_

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing related to _Major Crimes_ ; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

 **A/N:** When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.

 **A/N2** : The illness is secondary; _primary_ is their love and the way it changes them for the better.

 **A/N3:** _Enjoy_! Leave a _**review**_ if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. **#TodayIsLife**

~~~~~PT~~~~~

Andy answered Emily first; she was easier.

'When this case is over, I want to go to NYC to see your mother. I want to be there when she finds out if the treatments are working. If I can't make it in time, I want to be there as soon as I can.' Worried about space, he separated his texts. 'Thanks for the information. I really appreciate it because there are some things I wouldn't have been able to figure out on my own.'

He put a great deal of thought into his response to Sharon.

'Don't protect what doesn't need protecting. I can take care of myself, Sharon. I've been doing it for a very long time.' He'd deliberately thrown her own words back at her, then continued in a new text. 'I'm angry at missing a month with you when you could be dying. We should be spending as much time together as possible. It'll still hurt to lose you. You aren't changing anything.'

After he hit _send_ , he thought it sounded too harsh.

'I love you and I want to be with you. I've got leave banked that I can use to be there for you. I miss you.'

'There, that sounds better,' he thought as he hit _send_.

When Sharon read his messages, a smile spread across her face. "He's getting riled up. His fighter is coming out," she told Emily.

"Rusty was right when he said you're both weird and made for each other. You both like the stubbornness, the fighter, and the intensity you each have." She smiled at her mother. "Let him come. Tell him to come, Mom."

Shaking her head, she held her phone close to her heart. "No, that would be selfish of me."

"He _wants_ to be here. How is that selfish of you?"

"After I find out if the treatments are working, I'll make a decision about Andy."

Feeling stuck in the middle, Emily was losing patience. She understood Andy's pain. She wanted to follow her mother's request. She couldn't help but remember her father leaving time and again. She knew her brothers were both at a loss as to what to do, how they could help. All she wanted to do was ease everyone's sadness. "Fine, be stubborn and _alone_ to the end. I'm going to the coffee shoppe. I'll bring you back your favorite."

While her daughter was gone, Sharon had time to think about what she said, time to think about the last day she actually spoke to Andy. Stubborn and alone wasn't how she wanted her end to be, _if_ this was the end.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

 _A month before_

Andy came in as Sharon was wheeling her suitcase down the hall to leave.

The hurt was instantly apparent in his eyes. "You weren't even gonna say good-bye?"

"Good-byes are overrated, especially when they'll only hurt you," she had answered with what she hoped was a strong voice. It wasn't.

"Coming home to a letter would've hurt like hell too. You _know_ that, Sharon. Jack did it to _you_ enough times," he said with a tinge of anger seeping through the sadness.

"I have something to take care of," she placed a hand on his chest, " _alone_ , so I'm going. This good-bye is for you, Andy, _because_ I love you. I don't want to hurt you." She kissed his lips softly. "I want you to be happy, to move on with your life."

He stopped her as she reached for the door handle. "You really think I'm just gonna let you walk out then turn around and screw somebody?" He knew the wording was harsh and not the kind of language she would approve hearing but, in that moment, he didn't care. She was literally walking out of his life and telling him to move on as if what they had together meant nothing.

Pulling her roughly to him, he kissed her hard. She responded immediately, just as hard.

By the time they moved apart, she had lost most of the walls she had raised upon seeing him. "I love you, Andy, and I don't want you to be alone," she explained, not bothering to hide the tears brimming in her eyes. "It's best for you to just let me go."

Because he was so hurt and so angry, he stepped aside and opened the door for her. "Just for the record, I wouldn't be alone if you _stayed_."

"Please renew the insurance on my car when it's due and," she hesitated, trying to put her emotions in check, "please don't move out of the condo," she whispered through her tears.

His first instinct was to yell at her but he held his temper firmly. "I won't," he promised and closed the door behind her.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

 _Present day_

Picking up her phone, Sharon texted Andy. 'I want you here with me but Lt Provenza needs you there. Please don't leave him short-handed.'

'The Captain is on leave,' was his immediate reply.

Smiling, she typed, 'The Captain is retired.'

'Taylor put through your leave first. He doesn't want his Captain to retire if she doesn't have to.'

'You'd still leave Lt Provenza down a man.'

'Taylor will approve my leave because it might get him his Captain back.'

'But it might not.' Her intention was not to be difficult. She had yet to have her midway consultation with the doctor and not knowing whether her treatment was working kept her feet firmly planted in reality.

'Either way, if I want to go, I can.'

She didn't answer him. A month had passed, he used the word _if_ , and she wanted him with her.

Lying back down on her pillow, she let the tears fall and thought of the voicemails he'd left her after reading her letter. He'd actually had to leave a few in order to get everything out that he'd wanted to say to her.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

 _A month before_

Andy knew by the number of rings that she had sent his call to voicemail manually. "Damnit, Sharon, have the guts to answer your damn phone and talk to me."

He tried again and the same thing happened. "Fine, hide, that's fine with me. I found your letter. I guess after all the times Jack did it to you, you decided he was on to something and should do it to me." _Dear Andy, by the time you read this I will probably be where I'm going for the next stage of my life. I love you and this good-bye is for_ _you_ _. It's not meant to hurt you but rather to bring you peace and to give you permission to move on in your life without me. I need to do this for the_ _both_ _of us. In time you will come to understand this better. I will always love and miss you, Sharon._ The sound of crumpling paper could be heard in the background. "So I don't get to know what happened or where you are. I don't get to know what I did or what you did. I just get to start dating again, is that about right, Sharon? I guess that means you do too."

"Whatever my reputation was before, I'm in love with you and I'm not just gonna turn around and sleep with someone else. I would hope you aren't doing that either. Is that why you left me? You found someone else? You could've just asked me to leave, you know. Hell, any kind of information would've been better than nothing at all. I guess that's what you think I deserve. Nothing. Good-bye, Sharon."

Though his words were harsh and he was trying to sound cold, she knew he was crying. It broke her heart to hear him softly sob as he spoke and she cried for an hour after listening. But she didn't call him back and she didn't text just then. It took her two more days before she could hit send after typing a message to him.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

 _Present day_

With shaking fingers, Sharon picked up her phone. Hitting Andy's name in her contacts, listening to the rings and hearing him softly say her name made a tear drop onto her cheek before she could even speak.

"Hi," she whispered with a sniffle.

"Hi," he rasped back.

"I'm following up on your use of _if_ in the last text you sent me," she said with great hesitation.

She heard the tiny sob escape followed by a nose snort. "I _do_ want to be there with you but I don't want to be out on my ass in the City."

"You wouldn't be," she tried to reassure him. "This place isn't much; it's just a studio but it's only a sublet. _Home_ is in Los Angeles."

"So you'd be okay with me going there?" he asked hopefully.

"If Lt Provenza doesn't mind and Chief Taylor will grant your leave." Her mind was made up. She'd wasted an entire month trying to protect him and it hadn't worked out as she'd planned.

"Sharon, I want to get on a plane as soon as we wrap this case. Do you want me to do that?" He was challenging her to say the words. They both knew it.

"Yes," she breathed out, "I miss you."

He took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to control the sudden influx of mixed emotions. "I miss you too."

"I love you, Andy," she yawned, "but I can't stay on the phone. I'm about to fall asleep on you. I just really wanted to hear your voice."

"I love you too, Sharon, go to sleep. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Sharon knew that Emily would walk off her feelings about everything so she got herself comfortable and, for the first time in a month, looked forward to dreaming of her fiancé. _The proposal was sort of an accident in how it happened. With the date forever etched in his mind from the previous year, Andy had made reservations at the same hotel they had gone to make love that first time with the intention of proposing but then he'd lost his nerve and hid the ring in the bedside table drawer. Somehow after making love, they got on the subject of marriage; they both thought it was he who first mentioned it as a way to test the waters but neither was completely sure. Over the course of their conversation, they each stated their pros and cons and when he decided there were enough pros and not enough cons for the both of them combined, it came out as a declaration that she should marry him. Because it wasn't a question, she went along with the new direction their discussion had taken and agreed that yes, she should. When he announced that it was settled and reached over to the bedside table, she realized what happened. Despite her initial hesitation, however, she found herself smiling happily as he placed the ring on her finger. It was only after they ended their kiss that he officially asked her to marry him and she whispered her acceptance._

Waking up at the sound of the door being unlocked, Sharon let Emily know she had phoned Andy and that they agreed he should come to the City. As they enjoyed their coffee and dessert, Emily told her mother what three things she'd decided to share with her future stepfather. There were no longer any unanswered questions hanging in the air. The young woman realized happily that there was also no longer any reason to disagree with her mother; she was letting go of the past and the lessons her marriage had taught her.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

Andy told Provenza he was leaving once the case was closed as they walked to the Murder Room from Interview Room One. The guy had just confessed and they were waiting on DDA Hobbs to offer him a deal. Provenza had Flynn start on his report while they waited; _anything_ to get those two idiots back together where they belonged – even if it meant being down a Lieutenant for a while. 'Ye Gods, I _hate_ being in charge,' he grumbled to himself.

[ **TBC** ]


	5. Chapter 5

_**This Good-bye is for You, Ch 5**_

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing related to _Major Crimes_ ; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

 **A/N:** When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.

 **A/N2** : The illness is secondary; _primary_ is their love and the way it changes them for the better.

 **A/N3:** _Enjoy_! Leave a _**review**_ if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. **#TodayIsLife**

~~~~~PT~~~~~

The next day, Friday, Sharon had Emily meet her at the apartment so they could arrive at the clinic exactly on time. _Exactly on time_ meant fifteen minutes early but still they were able to go straight into the consultation with her doctor regarding her progress. The treatments always made her tired and a bit unsteady for at least twenty-four hours but the nerves that were all on end awaiting the results had her feeling more energy than she had since she'd begun this journey.

When the doctor told her that the treatments were working and that they'd keep to the set schedule to ensure her optimal chances of full recovery, the tears of relief slipped down her cheeks. He also cleared her to return to Los Angeles for her follow-up care, assuming there were no setbacks in her recovery. The final decision would be made in their next meeting after her treatment was completed.

She had hoped that Andy would be there with her for the results but he had text when the case was finally closed the previous evening and she'd text him back to get some much needed sleep before traveling across the country.

Back in her little studio, she changed into more comfortable clothes, made some tea, and then quickly made her way to the bathroom. Emily had excused herself after ensuring she would be all right alone for a short while.

After brushing her teeth, she made her way back outside. The place was small, even for a studio; it would've been hard to miss him standing there drinking some of her tea. His rolling suitcase and carry-on travel bag were by the bed, his jacket slung over the armrest of the love seat and his shoes and socks on the floor next to it. Seeing her, he smiled sheepishly and put the mug down on the little folding tray she'd set up.

"Hi," was all either of them managed before he had her wrapped tightly in his arms. In that instant it didn't matter that he was squeezing too hard, that their tears were flowing freely, or that she really needed that tea to settle her queasy stomach. All that mattered was that, despite pushing him away for his own good, he had pushed back and shown her she didn't have to do it alone. That was a lesson long forgotten during her marriage with Jack.

They clung to each other for what seemed like forever and yet only seemed like seconds at the same time. When she whispered, "I brushed my teeth," he covered her lips with his own but withheld his tongue and wouldn't let hers in.

"Do you remember that's how we kissed in the beginning?" he rasped.

"Yes," she breathed out, trying to deepen it each time she felt his open mouth on hers.

"I missed you, Sharon," he said as he left a wet trail down her neck, "God, I love you."

"I missed you too, Andy," she husked as she grabbed his belt. Becoming serious, stilling her fingers, she added, "I can admit I was wrong to believe this was the best way to handle things."

"I'm here now," he murmured before finally letting her tongue dance with his.

"I need to drink some tea but then I want to lie in bed with you, Andy, for us to be as close as we can get. I just don't know how close that will be."

"I haven't seen you in a month. We're here together. It doesn't matter how close it is, Sharon, we'll make it work." He wanted more than anything to just go to bed with her but he knew there was a step his fiancee was skipping. Whether it was deliberate or not, he couldn't be sure. "We should talk first," he said quietly. Part of his hesitation was that she'd think he no longer wanted her that way; the other part was wondering if there were still things he didn't know, reasons for her to skip discussing all they'd been through over the past month while they were separated.

The practice of schooling her features was innate so she did it this time as well but not before he saw her eyes widen while her fingers began to fidget. "Yes, I suppose we should," she responded calmly, though she was feeling anything but. Moving to sit on the love seat, she added, "There is so much for us to say now that you're here."

As he sat down next to her, he felt a wave of guilt wash over him for not taking her up on her initial suggestion but he thought if they went to bed, even just to hold each other, they might never get this chance again. "Why'd you do things this way?" This was the very basis of what he needed to know, the key to everything that happened since she was diagnosed.

Her eyes misted over as she responded quietly, "I knew you'd want to help, that you'd want to be there for me."

"That's not the answer I was expecting," he admitted, shock and confusion easily visible on his face. He thought he'd hear some bull shit excuses before she finally decided to share the truth with him or maybe hear the truth wrapped up in political correctness. She did have a way with words after all. The absolute God's honest truth straight out of the gate took him by surprise but it set the tone for the rest of the conversation.

Smiling nervously, she answered, "I know it wasn't." Hugging herself to still her fingers, she leaned back into the corner between the cushion and the arm rest on her side. "Andy, I really was only thinking of you when I decided on my course of action. I never wanted to hurt you and I thought this would be easier in the long run."

"You should've let me decide for myself," the hurt mixed with anger couldn't be missed. "Because the other side of the coin is that you were protecting yourself too and that's fine, that's normal, but don't make it sound like this was all for me."

"But it _was_ ," she leaned forward as she spoke, her hand reaching out to touch his arm. "It was so that you didn't get lost trying to take care of me. I didn't want to test your sobriety having you watch me go through this on a daily basis."

"So you tested it by suddenly _leaving_ me? The only hope I had after you walked out the damn door was that you asked me not to move out and even that wasn't much because I figured it was for Rusty's sake." He scratched the back of his neck. "Renewing the car insurance was something you could've done from here and you damn well know it."

Her eyes widened once more. "I wasn't even thinking of Rusty when I asked you to stay."

This surprised him more than anything; for her not to think of her son never occurred to him. "Why'd you want me to stay then?"

"Because, according to my doctor, there was a strong chance I'd be coming back home." She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she watched him process.

"And what were you going to say to me? Did you think you'd just kiss me hello, explain you were sick but you're better so you're back and we'd just go on like nothing happened?" Standing up, he began to pace the small room. "Did you even think that far, Sharon?"

"No," she admitted quickly, "I didn't think about the end because I _couldn't_." As tears formed in her eyes, she moved her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. "I wanted to stay positive and believe this would work and I'd go home but there's no guarantees and so I just didn't allow myself to think that far ahead. For once, I didn't follow the trail to the end."

"Always a cop," he sighed as he moved towards her and sat down. His hand on her forearm, he nervously asked, "Were you ever afraid that I'd leave you when you needed me there?"

"I don't -," she stopped herself; protecting herself was one thing but being rude was another. "I never thought you'd leave me, Andy. I knew you'd help me through this. I really _was_ worried about your sobriety and about what would happen if I died while we were together."

"That's what Emily said in one of her texts. Sharon, my sobriety is my own demon to handle. You can't make decisions for me because you're afraid I'll go to a bar." He knew this was learned behavior but it was learned from someone else. "Do you know how much it _hurt_ to have you walk out on me and not so much as answer one damn phone call?" Rearranging himself on the love seat to better be able to look at her, he continued, "Do you know how _angry_ I got when I found out you moved here and that you were sick from checking our bank account? I know you did that deliberately and I'm grateful I had something to work on, some way to figure this all out, but I gotta admit that I was pissed at you."

"I fully expected you to be," she stated simply. "That's what I _wanted_ , Andy. I didn't want you to be hurt or to miss me, I wanted you angry at me so, in the event of my death, it wouldn't hurt as much." Even as she said the words, the flaw in her plan sat in the room like a baby elephant. "I wanted to stay home. I _wanted_ to experience what it'd be like to have the man I love help take care of me. When Taylor offered to put me on leave, I almost changed my mind and took him up on it but I felt selfish for wanting you to go through this with me."

"How the hell is it selfish when I _wanted_ to help? I don't understand, Sharon, I honestly don't understand."

She chuckled sadly. "You sound like Emily."

"That poor kid, you know, having to help you all by herself and dealing with me playing detective." He thought about something Rusty said. "She was the glue for all of us. That's a hard place to put a kid." Seeing her pained expression, he explained, "I know she's an adult and she's your kid so she can handle anything life throws at her but she was the one keeping her brothers updated, taking care of you and feeling sorry for me."

"I shouldn't have done that to her. It was too much to put her through," she agreed sadly.

"That's not what I'm saying, Sharon. I'm not placing blame here. I'm just saying you both learned your lessons from Jack but now it's time to realize you love me because I'm different. I'm not perfect but I _am_ different."

"Yes, you are. You are so _very_ different and I do know that, Andy, and appreciate it." Changing the subject, she asked, "Did you also speak with Ricky?" After the second group Skype video chat, she had only dealt with her children one at a time. It was easier that way for all of them, she believed.

"Yeah, I did. I mean, I was calling Emily because she was here with you but Ricky called me once a week to check on me." Smiling, "That was a nice of him to do that. You raised good kids. Now it's your turn to be taken care of a little." Seeing her begin to tense, he teased her to lighten the mood. "Just a little bit, Sharon, here and there."

"I can handle that," she agreed. "It's difficult for me though." She knew she was stating the obvious but it had to be said. "I'm not used to it and I really do feel selfish putting myself ahead of those I love."

"We weren't asking you to do that. We were just asking you to let us in, to let us help. Ricky and Rusty were actually a little bit jealous of Emily. Even though it was hardest on her, she was the only one who really knew what was going on."

"I didn't ask her to be as involved as she was. She offered and I told her I'd handle things on my own. She insisted so I agreed but it was never my plan to involve her like this."

"We all knew that and not just because Emily told us but cuz we know you and that's not something you'd do." Changing the subject back to their original topic, "I was hurt, Sharon, and I did some stupid things though drinking was not one of them. Once I got over being angry, I researched your treatment and when I got the text from Emily with your diagnosis, I researched that too. A month is a long time for me not to know."

"It is, I'm sorry, I should've told you myself." Her legs now curled on the cushion freed her hands up to take his. "I'm sorry I ended up hurting you, Andy. That was _never_ my intention."

"I know, Sharon, that's just not the kind of person you are. I do need to know why you thought the letter was better than telling me in person that you were leaving. I caught you by accident. If the meeting didn't end early, I would've missed you."

"I was afraid that I'd change my mind. Then after I saw your reaction and," she blushed a little, "after that kiss, I was ready to put everything away and stay home with you."

"You should have." It was blunt but it was how he felt.

Her eyes misted over as she whispered, "I wasted so much time."

Moving even closer to her, he enveloped her in his arms. "You did but you're not now." He kissed the side of her head. "You let me come here; that's a start. Now you just have to let me be involved in helping you sometimes." Moving back, he kissed her forehead, then her nose before placing his lips softly on hers. It remained a chaste kiss as he felt her shiver and realized she was holding in a sob. "Let it go, Sharon," he whispered as he pulled her as close to himself as he could. Seconds later, her body shivered again and he knew she was letting him comfort her as he heard the first sniffle.

When she was ready to look at him, she remained in his embrace and moved only her head. "Thank you, Andy."

"You don't get to thank me for doing what I should," he corrected her. "That's not how this commitment thing works."

She thought about what he'd said. "Then thank you for putting up with me this last month and for giving me another chance to get this right."

"You're welcome," he rasped before covering her lips with his own. When they moved apart, he told her he'd throw out her tea and make them both fresh ones.

"I'd appreciate that," she smiled. "The kitchenette is over," she paused, "well, you can see everything in this apartment, I'm sure."

"It is pretty small," he agreed, then smirked. "Hey, if we don't end up killing each other by the time you're ready to go home, maybe our place is just fine for us after all."

"I'd prefer all of our belongings to be in one place so we really should look for a larger condo."

"Or a house," he suggested, knowing every time he'd made mention of a house previously she'd repeated her preference for a condo. She'd even given him a list she'd made of the pros and cons regarding it. That time he couldn't just say it was settled because the cons won and he _really_ wanted to buy another house.

"A larger condo will suit our lifestyles just fine," she countered. "After we have the tea, I'd really like for us to just lie in bed together, regardless of what happens or doesn't happen between us right away."

"Then that's what we'll do," he agreed. He really did want nothing more than to just lie skin to skin with her, even if she wasn't up for anything more than just taking a nap.

[TBC]


	6. Chapter 6

_**This Good-bye is for You, Ch 6**_

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing related to _Major Crimes_ ; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.

 **A/N:** When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.

 **A/N2** : The illness is secondary; _primary_ is their love and the way it changes them for the better.

 **A/N3:** _Enjoy_! Leave a _**review**_ if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. **#TodayIsLife**

~~~~~PT~~~~~

Sipping the last of her tea as he took his clothes off and laid them on the love seat, she smiled around her mug. When her stomach had settled enough from both the consultation with her doctor and the conversation with her fiance, she removed her own clothing, laying them with his, took his hand and led him to the bed.

They held each other close and discussed more of what happened over the last month; most importantly to both of them, they openly shared all of their _feelings_. They kissed often between parts of the conversation and cried together. In the end, it was a deep, cleansing, torrent of tears for both of them and when they finally stopped, there was only kissing and holding each other left to continue.

"I want to make love with you, Andy," she whispered between kisses causing him to move back enough to look at her.

"I want that too, Sharon," he assured her. "When I was doing research on the side effects of your treatment, it said we might need some extra help making it feel good for _both_ of us so I bought some, just in case. I don't want to hurt you," he said as he pushed her hair back from her eyes. He'd been surprised she still had hair when he first saw her but now, up close, he could tell it was thinning out and becoming a little brittle from the treatments.

"I know you won't, Andy," she assured him.

Moving in to kiss him again, she wrapped her leg around his waist and he rolled her onto her back, settling himself carefully on top of her. She'd lost a good amount of weight, even if it wasn't as much as they'd expected her to lose; she seemed tired, but her eyes looked at him with love and her body responded to his every touch with as much eagerness as it always had. He found himself forgetting the past month of treatments as he gave into everything she was making him feel with both her words and her touches.

She whispered, "I want you," at the same time he murmured, "I need you," and he took a chance on becoming one with her.

Their kisses were deep and passionate; showing their love still existed after their separation, sharing their hunger for one another, needing the _connection_ that only this close intimacy could provide. Their actual physical connection, however, was slow and careful. He didn't want to hurt her, so he moved the slowest he ever had in his life. Still, he heard her whimper causing him to cease all movement, including kissing her.

"Sharon?" he rasped.

"But I _do_ want you, Andy," she whispered before covering his lips with hers.

"Things happen to the body sometimes when you undergo treatment. I knew to expect it," he reassured her as he moved out of her.

"We could use whatever you brought," she suggested shyly, her legs moving from around him to rest along his sides.

"We could but first there's _me_ ," he smirked at her, causing her to smile. God, he loved when she smiled at him like that.

Kissing her passionately at first, he then moved along her neck leaving wet kisses until he reached her pulse point. Sucking on it, he heard her moan softly and move against him. Switching to the other side of her neck, he nipped and licked until she moaned again. Capturing her lips in another sizzling kiss had her legs moving around his waist again.

"I'm nowhere near done," he husked, so she moved her legs back down with a sigh. "Patience is a virtue," he teased. Her only response was an eye roll and a smirk.

Kissing her softly first, he then began a trail of butterfly kisses down her chest, letting his thumbs flit along her breasts. Upon reaching them, he swirled his tongue around one nipple while his fingers massaged the other. Hearing her hum, he sucked her breast into his mouth, his tongue continuing its swirling motions around and on her nipple. Her moan had him moving over to repeat his ministrations on the other one.

When she whispered, "Andy," he moved up to look at her. Her lips crashed into his; her quest to be as close to him as possible making her pulse race and her body warm.

Trying to control himself, his member throbbing to give her what she wanted, he moved from her mouth and continued his trail down her body. Once she knew where he was headed, she moaned in anticipation.

Her legs over his shoulders, his tongue barely touched her nub causing her to groan. Repeating his actions had her writhing under him, pushing herself into him but he just chuckled and moved away until she settled back down. Flicking her nub had her moaning again and when he swirled his tongue around it, she whispered his name. Liking how her body reacted to this slow torture, as she finally called it, his tongue pushed on her sensitive button before swirling once more. Hearing her moan, "Please, Andy," had him sucking on her clit and licking at the light flow of her sweet juices before going back to his slow ministrations. Time and again, he'd switch it up; time and again, she'd let him know it wasn't nearly enough.

When he finally stopped teasing her, she was beyond ready to feel him inside her. Realizing he was not about to give in to her just yet, she moaned, " _Andy_ ," then added, "use your fingers... _please_ ," in what she hoped wasn't too much of a begging tone. His lopsided grin when he looked up let her know he was enjoying himself way too much to move quickly.

The fire in her belly was coiling but not near hot enough to boil over. At this point, she'd had enough of his teasing and wanted to release all the tension and pain she'd been feeling the last month. Then she wanted him to do the same.

His hand slid along the underside of her thigh; she moaned, waiting for him to add to the pleasure in which she already relished. When his finger slid inside, she bucked against him and moaned, "Another one." Adding the second had the heat inside her climbing higher, a third had it moving closer to the boiling point.

Wanting to capitalize on what she was feeling, she gave into every thought that entered her mind as his fingers slowly moved in and out of her and his tongue continued working its magic on her nub. Sliding her hands along her body, she began at her knees working her way slowly down her thighs, stopping to run her fingers through his hair, then continuing on to move over her stomach not stopping their travels until she was massaging her own breasts. Whispering, "Faster, Andy... _please_ ," she bucked into him as she moved one of her breasts up to her mouth and began swirling her tongue around her nipple. "Watch me," she husked, knowing he would.

He moved his head up enough to see her holding both breasts in her hands, massaging one slowly while her tongue swirled the nipple of the other. When she mouthed it, he felt himself begin to twitch wildly. Wanting to occupy himself while he watched, he began slowly moving his fingers again while his tongue barely touched her nub. Soon, the harder she sucked her breast, the harder his tongue made contact with her clit; the swirling became faster, the sucking harder, and he only broke away to lap at her sweet nectar.

He heard her quietly say, "I'm so close, Andy," as she switched to her other breast, repeating her ministrations causing him to move his fingers in and out of her quicker than he'd planned. She moaned louder than she had till that point, looking at him afterwards while she ran her tongue along her nipple and smiled. She knew what she was doing, of that he was sure. An overly-aroused Sharon pulled no punches and she _always_ got what she wanted. His fingers were moving quickly now, having a mind of their own it seemed. His tongue swirled and flicked as he kept his eyes on her, entranced by her movements and sounds.

"Oh, _yes_ , Andy," slipped out on a moan and she let her legs drop down and spread open as she bucked into him. "Don't change a thing," she begged, no longer caring about anything but the release that appeared to be seconds away. As his fingers moved even faster, hitting exactly where they need to, he felt her walls clench around them. Peeking up again, he saw her clenching the sheets in both hands. Her eyes closed, she moaned and writhed, until she finally went over the edge. Breathing out, "I want you inside me," she let go of the sheets to massage his scalp while her body settled down.

Kissing every part of her on his way up her body, he had her again whispering "I want you," by the time he finally reached her mouth and they engaged in a blazing kiss. He knew from his fingers she might still need help but was willing to try before making that suggestion. Her legs already around his waist, he slowly slid into her. Feeling some resistance, he tried again, going a little deeper.

When he heard her whimper, he pulled out, and moved to grab the aide he had bought just in case. Pouring a drop into her palm, he tossed the bottle towards his bag as she stroked along his member eliciting a groan from him. "That feels good," he murmured. Hearing his pleasure, enjoying his moans, she began to massage it in.

Unable to take her hand on him any longer, he kissed her deeply, lay them back down, and they soon found themselves joined once more. This time, however, he heard only moans of pleasure as they moved together slowly.

When he whispered, "God, I missed you," she allowed herself to continue to be completely honest and raw by admitting, "I'm so glad you're here."

Hearing those words only made him want her more but he knew to take it slow, for the both of them. They spent their time enjoying being together again; whispering words of apology and forgiveness, words of love in the here and now, and words of hope for the future.

As they both fell over the cliff in rapid succession, she spoke in a voice so low he almost missed it. "I need you, Andy."

It wasn't often he teared up or outright cried in front of her but on that day, he had already done both freely. His eyes again misted over hearing the one word she'd never before allowed herself to say to him. _Need_.

"You won't regret it, Sharon," he promised, holding her tightly to him yet stroking her face ever so gently. "I need you too," he rasped before kissing her.

As they lay snuggled together, she asked him why he didn't give up on her. "Because we love each other and even though you tried to sneak out on me, I saw the ring still on your finger."

Absentmindedly she touched it and smiled. "I told you to move on but you didn't." Sometimes a person doesn't realize the scars they've incurred from a previous relationship until their current one shows them how it _should've_ been done.

"There is only one woman I wanna spend my life with and I'm right here with her."

Her eyes clouded over and she became serious. "This may not work, Andy. The doctor said it is now but I'm only halfway through my treatment."

Caressing her cheek softly with the back of his fingers, "I know that, Sharon, but I missed a _month_ with you. I'm not losing any more time. Even if it doesn't work, I want you to be my wife. At least give me that."

"I want that too," she assured him quietly. "I'm not going anywhere, not again," she promised before kissing him.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

Andy being there with Sharon the next three weeks of her treatment freed Emily up from going with her and keeping an eye on her afterwards. She was happy to just visit the couple and see for herself how much a difference it made to have the person you're sharing your life with _be_ there for you in times of need. Sadly, she thought about how she had almost no memory of her father being there for her mother when she really needed him to be.

Despite observing them during her visits, Emily was still surprised when Andy one day mentioned to her his belief that the illness and separation only made he and her mother stronger as a couple.

Though they thought she was still asleep, Sharon agreed with a tired smile. "That's why I'm going to marry him when we get back home." _Home:_ her condo, her son, her Church, her team...her _life_ in Los Angeles; she missed everything about it with the exception of being able to see her daughter whenever she desired. "That's why Andy made sure to tell all of our children to check their schedules."

"We've already checked our schedules, as you _knew_ we would, and we'll all be there a week after you've both gone back. We'll be there to see the wedding."

"I told you they'd make sure they were there, Andy," she said happily as she sat up in bed slowly. "My children are very smart and would know _immediately_ why you wanted them all in LA," she announced proudly.

"I never doubted it for a minute," he replied, barely hiding his own smile. Even his son had agreed to share in their happiness and attend both their wedding and the dinner party afterwards.

~~~~~# # #~~~~~

 _One month back in LA_

A day after the treatments ended, Sharon was able to stop taking her anti-nausea medication. As sick as she had been, she could only imagine how much worse it would've been without the prescription. Her hair was much thinner but she still had most of it and, for that, she counted her blessings. She'd practiced new hairstyles while in the City and was quite pleased with the looks. A week later, her doctor officially informed them that she was in remission and the future looked promising.

One of the upsides to having Andy back on the East Coast was that he could share people and places with her from his life in New Jersey. She'd most especially enjoyed meeting the police officer who had caused her fiance to turn his life around at age thirteen merely by giving him a chance to do so.

True to their word, a day after returning home, they got their license from City Hall and when the children on both sides were all able to come together, they said their vows in front of family and friends. The ceremony was presided over by Sharon's good friend, Judge Grove.

Asst Chief Taylor wanted Andy back to work a week after the wedding but he informed Sharon she had time left if she needed it to make her final decision regarding a formal resignation or return to work. After careful consideration, she decided to go back when her husband did. There would be less hesitation regarding her return, she believed, if they both walked into the Major Crimes Division together.

On her first day back, Captain Raydor already knew her office had only been used by Lt Provenza when absolutely necessary. She also knew that most of those times were to chew Lt Flynn out for one reason or another.

When she saw her second-in-command come into the Murder Room carrying coffees for the entire team, herself included, it was the first time she realized just how _glad_ he was to have them back and how _thrilled_ he was to no longer be in charge.

"Welcome back, Captain," he practically singsonged as he handed her the hot beverage, "welcome back."

"It's good to be back," she said softly as she looked around the room. When her eyes landed on Andy, she repeated, "It's good to be back."

[ **The End** ]

 **A/N4** : Thanks to all who made it to the end; I truly appreciate y'all's hanging in there on this journey. Major _thank you_ to all who left reviews, DMs, favorites and follows. Y'all's are so sweet! 3 **#TodayIsLife**


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